Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be married. I had my life planned out. “I’ll be married by 22” I declared. My parents laughed. I laugh now too, because I thought I had control over this unpredictable life event. As time went by and I inched pass the age of 22, I started to become ashamed of saying I wanted to get married. One, because it looked like it was nowhere in sight. Two, I didn’t want to scare any prospects away by admitting what I wanted.
I discovered my shame when an older woman asked me over lunch if I had a desire to be married someday. I begrudgingly answered “I guess.” She must have sensed that I was not being truthful and asked me again. She said “if you do, say it”. More boldly, I declared “I want to get married someday.” Soon after that day, I met my husband.
There is a misrepresentation about women that says we try too hard to be married. Don't get me wrong, there is such a thing as unhealthy obsessions but, at the core, wanting to be married is not a bad thing.
No Shame in Desiring to Get Married
Do not be ashamed of your desire to be a married woman. I know it’s easy to be discouraged when it seems like it’s light-years away from reality. Marriage is a natural thing to want. We all desire deeper intimacy and security. We want to be looked at lovingly by one person. And more than anything, we want to be known. But there are two other very strong influences in our lives that gives us our unshakable desire to be someone’s wife.
Marriage is God’s Idea
The first influence is the fact that God created marriage, just like He created you and me. He doesn’t want you to be alone just as much as you do not want to be alone. He has given us a need for lasting companionship. Marriage is a covenant created by Him for our enjoyment and it’s a representation of the gospel. In The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller, it says “through marriage, the mystery of the gospel is unveiled. Marriage is a major vehicle for the gospel’s remaking of your heart from the inside out and your life from the ground up.” The Bible starts and ends with a marriage. In Genesis, Adam and Eve were created to be together forever and in Revelation, it says “blessed are those that are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb” (19:9).
Because it’s His design, God also provides support for marriages (thank God!). This proves that He is, in fact, in marriages. You will find throughout the Bible everything you need to know about thriving in a marriage. God wants you to be happy and, once you’re married, he wants you to grow with your spouse; He doesn’t want you to get divorced (under normal circumstances). He is delighted as He watches husband and wife enjoy life together. The special covenant between husband and wife so greatly represents what He does for us- serves, protects, submits, promises- that He carefully lays out how marriage should be lived out. God will walk and talk with us daily on our journey, helping us to grow with our spouse because He cares about us getting it right.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesian 5:25
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
You’re Influenced By What You Watch
The second thing that feeds our dreams of our perfect wedding day is the media. The media (or pop culture) exaggerates that one is more established than another, if he or she is married. Having the perfect spouse, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence has been painted to be the American Dream.
With as much TV and social media we are exposed to, it’s no wonder we feel like we have missed the mark if we are not married by a certain age. We are enamored by wedding dresses and fancy ballrooms and can not wait to be able to plan our own wedding. Planning a wedding is fun to do but make sure your desire comes from the latter factor (God) and not from here, where it is false and short-lived. Only God can sustain. The beauty of a wedding day is not a sign of how strong the marriage will be.
How many celebrity weddings have you gotten excited about, only to see their relationship end soon after? Never desire to get married for the sake of attention and glamour. Seek God for guidance in your dating life. Settling for the wrong one, will greatly impact your life forever. I almost married the wrong man. It would have been exciting to announce to the world that I was getting married, but it wouldn’t have been worth the misery I would have to endure behind closed doors.
Keep Your Desire
In a world where less and less people are honoring marriage, do not dismantle your desire for marriage. Ultimately, it is not your fault that you have a strong desire. However, you do need to assess where that desire is coming from. Continue proudly declaring that you want to be a wife someday — a good wife… to a good man.
Tell me, do you desire to be married? Has anyone ever made you feel bad for wanting to be married?
Love you Gem, Shawandie
G.E.M.S- Godly Women Enjoying the Magnificence of Singleness